Do you know they’re making a Beatles zombie movie called Paul is Undead? And Natalie Portman is going to star in another movie called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? Oh, and they’re making Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
Stupidest movies I’ve ever heard of. And you know what? I want to see them all.
But that’s not the point. The point is, I’m concerned that this new trend of pairing historical characters with genre material is really going to screw up young people.
‘Cause I barely know history as it is. I feel like younger kids are gonna grow up like –
Kid A: “Who’s Abraham Lincoln?”
Kid B: “We saw that movie. He’s a vampire hunter.”
Kid A: “Oh, right. He was friends with the ninja assassin. What was his name?”
Kid B: “Martin Luther King.”
Kid A: “Yeah, that guy’s life was awesome. Remember when his mentor killed those aliens?”
Kid B: “You mean Gandhi?”
Kid A: “Yeah, that guy. I still have that action figure.”
Kid B: “Didn’t he come with a flamethrower?”
Kid A: “No, stupid. Gandhi would never use a flamethrower. He was a sniper.”
It’s only a matter of time before we hear about these next big Hollywood hits –
– RoboGandhi — bringing peace to the galaxy…one corpse at a time.
– Freddy vs. Jason vs. Jesus (in 4-D) — which is like 3-D, but you pay five more dollars.
– Adolf Hitler: Ghost Hunter 2 — this summer, the extermination continues…