My family isn’t always very supportive. If we go on a road trip, our car games sound like –
Mom: “Okay, I’m gonna name three things I hate about Josh beginning with the letter ‘a,’ and then Josh will name three things he hates about Emily starting with the same letter that ended the last word.”
My sister’s like –
Emily: “Can I start?” I can already think of nine of Josh’s character flaws that start with ‘A.’”
* * *
We would be the worst Family Feud contestants. It’d be like –
Host: “All right, Josh. For the win. Name a country that begins with ‘E.’”
Josh: “Oh, um…uh…”
Host: “I need an answer.”
Josh: “Uh…agh, it’s on the tip of my tongue.”
Host: “Three seconds.”
Josh: “Uh, I don’t, uh — Europe.”
{Silence.}
Grandfather: “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Mom: “Stupid answer!”
Emily: “Europe’s a continent, Josh.”
Josh: “Oh.”
Grandfather: “Did you not go to school?”
Mom: “Emily, name three continents that begin with ‘e.’”
Emily: “Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador.”
Mom: “See?”
Grandfather: “Reeeeeeject!”
Emily: “Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Estonia, Ethiopia –”
Susan: “That’s why he’s not at Harvard like his sister.”
