The last girl I dated stopped seeing me because she thought I was gay — and all because she asked me in the middle of sex who I was thinking about and I said, “Kyle.”
Let me explain.
First of all, never ask, “Who are you thinking about?” in the middle of sex. Just assume it’s you because ignorance is bliss, and it’s not gonna make you feel better if I list off three pre-teen celebrities…because I’m not thinking about you and I’ve outed myself as a potential child molester.
But here was the issue: I met this girl through my friend Kyle — which I hate doing, by the way, because I get nervous that something in the relationship will go wrong and get back to that friend. Then there’ll be gossiping, like –
Person I know #1: “I heard Josh has bacne.”
Person I know #2: “Well I heard Josh cries during sex.”
Person I know #3: “Well I heard Josh secretly wants to be a cross-dressing belly dancer named Belly Duvall.”
Kyle is an influential dude in the entertainment industry — someone with whom I didn’t want to screw up my relationship. My business relationship. So as I was having sex with this girl, yes, I was thinking about Kyle…because I was worrying about what might get back to him. Also, Kyle has a great ass.
But now my fear has probably come true because I’m sure it’s gotten around that, like, Josh wants to screw Kyle, and the next time I see him, it’ll be like –
Josh: “Hey Kyle, you want to look at my script?”
Kyle: “I bet you want me to look at more than that. Or is ‘script’ code for your genitals?”