10. Game: Hedbanz
Object: guess the person, place, or thing that’s printed on the card on your headband by asking other people questions.
Friend: “So I’m a state in Africa?”
Josh: “Yes.”
Friend: “Oh, um…” {pronouncing it E-RAHK} “Iraq!” {OFF of Josh’s look, laughing} “Oh, wait. I’m sorry. That was stupid.” {pronouncing it EYE-RACK} “Iraq.”
9. Game: Twister
Object: place your hands and feet on different colored circles on a physical mat without falling over.
Spinner: {reading off directions after spinning} “Right hand, green.” {then} “Left hand, green.”
Pervert: {to the CHICK he’s groping} “Heh heh…you’re wearing a green sweater.”
8. Game: Sorry
Object: be the first player to get all of your color pawns from the Start location to the Home space.
Mom: “Suck my balls, Josh. I’m whooping your ass.”
Josh: “Jesus, Mom. Don’t be a jerk.”
Mom: “Oh, come on. It’s just friendly banter.”
FIVE MINUTES LATER…
Josh: “Yeah, Mom, of course you’re good at this game. You’re a pro at knocking people back to a starting place when they’re moving forward.” {OFF of the room’s silence} “No? Was that not friendly game banter?”
7. Game: Charades
Object: guess the person, place, or thing that another player is trying to communicate non-verbally.
Excitable friend: “Uh…church. Church? Is it church? No. Um…school? No? Church?”
6. Game: Monopoly
Object: to bankrupt the other players by owning everything on the board.
Sad friend: “Man, this game isn’t fun in this economic climate. Besides, I’m already losing enough in my everyday life; I don’t need to spend my Friday doing it for ‘fun.’”
5. Game: Cranium
Object: [I still don’t know.]
Drunk player: {guessing what another player is acting out} “Uh…Timothy Dalton!”
Josh: “That was correct, but unfortunately after time ran out. Sorry, man.”
Drunk player: {smashes a bottle of alcohol and points it at Josh} “Give me the goddamn point!”
Josh: “All right. Jesus, dude. You get to move another space in Cranium.”
4. Game: Guess Who?
Object: by asking “yes” or “no” questions, be the first to determine which card one’s opponent has selected, each card depicting a different character’s face.
Josh: “Is he black?”
Other player: “Yes.”
Josh: “It’s Tyrone.”
(Seriously. I think that’s how many black characters there are in “Guess Who?”)
3. Game: LIFE
Object: move along spaces and have the most money at the end, I think.
Sad friend: “What a depressing game: you get rewarded for getting to the end fastest. Might as well just have a suicide option.”
2. Game: Operation
Object: use a pair of tweezers to remove “ailments” from a patient without letting the tweezers touch the metal edges of the opening.
Five-year-old Josh: {concentrates, slowly going in for the spare ribs}
Game: {BUZZ!}
Five-year-old Josh: {instantly crying} “I’m just trying to help you!”
1. Game: Guesstures
Object: whatever the object Charades is, but supposedly hipper.
Excitable friend: {frantically guessing} “House? Uh…school? Uh…church? Rhymes with dog? Is it…uh…?” {claps his hands like he’s got it} “CLOSET HOMOSEXUAL!!!”
Everyone else: {stares at Excitable Friend}
Excitable friend: {softer} “I mean, church? Was it church?”
(That’s always how it is with him. The answer is “the dentist” and he’s guessing, “Three year dry spell!” I’m not sure if he’s revealing information about himself or he’s just a terrible and very specific guesser.)
