Imagine how awful it would be if your boring life had an announcer.
Announcer: {in the voice of the guy who calls a horse race, slowly losing steam} “And he’s waking up, he’s shaving, he’s taking a shower. He’s staring at his computer. He’s…still staring at it. He’s sighing. He’s sighing again. He’s holding back tears. He’s looking up an ex-girlfriend on Facebook. He’s…crying. C’mon, kid. Get it together!”
Later that night –
Announcer: “He’s approaching a woman. He’s approaching a woman. OH!!! He’s walking away. He’s…oh my God, he’s crying again. Does this kid ever stop?”
Bring a girl back to your place. Guy turns into a golf announcer –
Announcer: {softer} “He’s pulling out his wood. His putter might be a little small. Very tentative. He looks nervous. It’s as though he hasn’t seen a hole in several years. Oh, now he’s putting the balls away… Is he crying again? Jesus Christ. I’m gonna go narrate something more interesting — like fishing.”
