EXT. HOME – NIGHT
A standard suburban home.
Brian: (V.O.) “Oh, this one’s easy.”
INT. HOME – KITCHEN
Four people sit around a table — KRISTIN, BRIAN, LIZ, and ANDREW — all of them young (late 20s) and attractive.
In front of them, the board game BRAINIUM (like “Cranium.”)
Kristin: “Brian.”
Brian: “I’m just saying, if I can guess Jean-Paul Sartre through a song –”
Liz flips over the HOURGLASS timer.
Liz: “…and go!”
Andrew hums the first few notes of “U Can’t Touch This.” Kristin looks confused.
Brian: “Ten seconds.”
Andrew sings a different segment. Kristin shrugs.
Brian: “5, 4, 3, …”
Andrew starts dancing like MC Hammer.
Kristin: “MC Hammer. U CAN’T TOUCH THIS!”
Andrew claps and points to her. They hug in celebration.
Brian: “Hey. Cheating!”
Andrew: “What?”
Brian: “Yeah, no dancing. Zero points.”
Liz: “I’ll give it to them.”
Brian: “Why? Because he’s your brother and she’s your best friend? That was a blatant violation of Brainium rules.”
Liz: “Oh c’mon, Brian. It’s just a game.”
Kristin: “Yeah, no need to get irritable.”
Brian: “I’m not getting irritable. I’m getting…fair.”
Kristin: “Well, if you’re gonna get this worked up, we don’t have to finish.”
Brian: “I just don’t understand why I couldn’t be on my wife’s team.”
Andrew: “Because you and Kristin are the two best players.”
Brian: “Well, that’s — all right. Fine. I’ll give you the point. Our turn.” {rolling the dice} “Five.”
Liz picks up the card.
Liz: “The category is ‘slancrebum.’”
Andrew: {laughing} “Get it? That’s the scrambled version of ‘unscramble.’”
Brian: “Are you seriously this simple or are you doing a character?”
Kristin: “Brian!”
Brian: “You’re not curious, too?”
Liz: “Unscramble the word to move ahead.”
Andrew takes the card and writes the clue on a pad of paper.
Andrew: “All right. The word is ‘tizihatnoolpias.’”
Brian: {looking at the card} “Surprisingly hard.”
Kristin: {re: Brian} “That’s what he said. When he tried to have sex with me.”
Brian: “Kristin!”
Kristin: “I’m not sorry.”
Andrew: {tipping the hourglass} “…and go.”
Liz and Brian improv guesses, finding little word segments inside of their word.
Brian: “Zoo? Zoo hat? Uh…pizi… zoo hat?”
Andrew: “It’s not zoo hat.”
Kristin: “Ten seconds.”
They keep guessing.
Brian: “Oh, it’s on the tip of my tongue. Hol… holzis… zoo hat?”
Liz: “Oh my God.”
Brian: “Less complaining, more guessing!”
Andrew: “5, 4, 3, …”
…and guessing.
Kristin: “…2, 1, and ze –”
Brian: “– HOSPITALIZATION!”
Kristin: “Seriously.”
Brian flips over the card.
Brian: “‘Hospitalization!’ Way to go, me!”
Brian jumps into a celebratory dance routine and gives himself a high-five.
Andrew: “Actually, I think you answered after time.”
Brian: “What? No! It was right on time.”
Kristin: “I also think it was after time.”
Liz: “Yeah.”
Brian: “Liz!”
Andrew grabs for the rule book.
Andrew: “The rules of Brainium state –”
Brian smashes a wine glass on the table and holds the sharp end to Andrew’s face.
Brian: “GIVE ME THE POINT!”
Andrew / Kristin / Liz: “Jesus! / Brian! / AAGH!”
He immediately drops the bottle.
Brian: “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me. I…I’m sorry.”
Kristin: {emphasizing how out-of-proportion this is} “All right. Brian’s team gets one more point in Brainium.”
Brian: {soaking up the liquid with a paper towel} “I’m sorry.”
Liz: “Let’s just stop the game.”
Brian: “No no no no! One more. Game point. I’ll be cool. I’m sorry.”
They stare at each other. Exhale. Liz rolls the dice.
Liz: {reading from a card} “‘Share-ades.’”
Andrew: {laughing} “It sounds like –”
Brian: “Charades. Yeah. 7 and up, dude. We all got it.”
Liz: “Just like charades, but the clay acts for you. Mold the clay to get your teammate to guess the answer. The opposing team may also guess.”
Andrew: {laughing} “‘Share-ades.’ We’re sharing.”
Brian clenches his fists. Kristin shoots Brian a look.
Liz: “Kristin?”
Kristin looks at the back of the card and smiles.
Kristin: “I’m ready.”
Brian: “You barely even looked at it.”
Kristin: {re: the hourglass} “Flip it over.”
Brian flips the hourglass…and within seconds, Kristin has molded a near-perfect replica of Brian.
Brian: “That’s me.”
Andrew: “Um…white guy? Marketing? Anger problem?”
Kristin locks eyes with Brian. He becomes more horrified with every guess.
Andrew: “Arrogance? Ugly? 4 inches? Hepatitis B? Slight limp? Uh…”
Liz: “Three seconds.”
Then Kristin lifts up her fist and SMASHES it.
Andrew: “I’M HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH YOUR WIFE!!!”
Everyone freezes. Brian is horrified. Kristin flips over the card.
Kristin: “The word was ‘string cheese.’ {to Brian} “You win.”
CUT TO BLACK.
