INT. UNIDENTIFIED ROOM – DAY
JOSH LEHRMAN (18, scrawny) sits in an uncomfortable-looking chair with his head in his hands. His leg bounces up and down.
SUSAN LEHRMAN (late 40s, warm) sits beside him. She looks over from her newspaper, putting her hand on Josh’s leg to stop the motion.
Next to Susan, a WOMAN (60s) peers past a window.
Woman: “Oh God. I hope she did it. I hear it’s devastating if you don’t.”
Josh: “It is.”
A GIRL (16) runs in squealing. She hugs the older woman.
Woman: “Oh, I am so proud of you!”
Josh looks over, and whispers a little too loudly –
Josh: “Whore.”
Susan stifles a laugh.
Susan: “Just remember: if you see the red –”
Josh: “Mom: I know, okay?”
Josh’s leg bounces, double time.
Susan: “I love you no matter what.”
Josh: “I fuckin’ hope so.”
Josh starts to tear up. Susan wipes under his eye.
Susan: “Save it for the ride home.”
DARNELL (mid-30s, black, intimidating in size) appears before them. Susan looks at him, then at Josh, who cannot seem to meet the man’s glance.
Darnell: “Hello again, Joshua.”
EXT. PARKING LOT – MOMENTS LATER
Josh and Darnell exit the building in silence. As they approach Josh’s teal Honda civic, REVEAL the building’s sign –
“DMV”
Josh unlocks his car, but gets in the passenger side. Darnell sighs and opens the door.
Darnell: “Josh.”
Josh: “How ‘bout you drive today? We can just catch up. C’mon over to the other side; I’ll give you the keys.”
Darnell stands there, waiting. Then he pulls out Josh.
Josh: “Damnit, Darnell.”
Josh gets in the driver’s side. He goes through the checklist –
Josh: “Brake lights…”
He steps on the brakes…
Josh: “Front lights…”
He turns them on…
Josh: “Horn…”
He honks it…
Josh: {making the hand/arm signals} “Left, right, fuck you. Let’s go.”
Darnell gets in the passenger’s side. Josh looks at him.
Josh: “I can’t do this.”
Darnell: “Nonsense. Sixth time’s a charm.”
Josh: “Cut me some slack today, okay? I’m having a lot of problems in my personal life.”
Darnell: {doesn’t care} “Mm.”
Josh: “My girlfriend broke up with me, I lost my favorite sweater, and I think I have cancer.”
Darnell: “You don’t have cancer.”
Josh: “I don’t know. I’ve been having a lot of things that are, uh, symptomatic of cancer.”
Darnell: “Such as?”
Josh: “Cancer spots.” {OFF Darnell’s blasé look} “On my chest…primarily.”
Darnell: “Let’s go.”
Josh: “Are you sure you don’t wanna talk? I have a lot of issues I think we need to work through before –”
Darnell reaches over and turns the key. The car starts and “Everyone Makes Mistakes” (from “Sesame Street”) plays.
Darnell raises his eyebrows to Josh, and ejects the CD.
Darnell: “No music.”
Josh takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes.
Darnell: “Are you praying?”
Josh: “No. Just trying to prolong the –”
Darnell: {sternly} “Josh.”
Josh: “Okay.”
Darnell: “So if you would first –”
Josh puts the car in reverse…
Josh: “I know, man.”
…and backs out of the spot.
EXT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
The car moves out of the DMV parking lot.
Josh (V.O.): “I didn’t really lose that sweater, by the way. Sorry for –”
Darnell (V.O.): “Focus on the road.”
INT. DMV – SAME
Susan sits, highlighting a book titled How to Deal With Your Child’s Never-Ending Failure.
INT. JOSH’S CAR – LATER
Josh narrates his actions.
Josh: “Looking in rear-view mirror, quickly glancing over my shoulder to avoid blind spots, and safely moving into the adjacent lane.” {then} “See that? That was a master class.”
Darnell writes something down. Josh peers over. As Darnell looks up, Josh snaps his head back toward the road.
Josh: “Look at this guy. His bumper sticker says ‘Orgasm Donor.’ Whaddya bet he’s ugly?”
Darnell: “Josh, how fast do you go in a residential area?”
Josh: “Twenty-five.”
Darnell: “Then why are you going 35?”
Josh: {sigh} “Because I’m an idiot.”
Josh slows down.
Josh: “You know, this is really traumatizing. Even if I do pass, I’m still gonna feel petrified every time I get into a vehicle.”
Darnell writes down something else.
Darnell: “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Josh: “I guarantee whoever said that didn’t fail this test.”
INT. DMV – SAME
Susan finishes writing in a Hallmark card that says, “CONGRATULATIONS.” She puts it in the envelope, then picks up another that reads, “MAYBE NEXT TIME…”
INT./EXT. JOSH’S CAR – LATER
Darnell remains stone-faced.
Josh: “I spy with my little eye something that begins with ‘f.’”
Darnell: “Face forward.”
Josh: “‘Fence’ was the correct answer, but it woulda been double points. Your turn.” {OFF Darnell’s silence} “I’ll start you off: I spy with my little eye –”
Darnell: “Pedestrians!”
Josh: “No, you say the letter, not the –” {sees them} “– shit!”
Josh slams on the breaks. Darnell takes more notes.
Josh pulls over to the side of the road. Puts it in park.
Darnell: “What’re you doing?”
Josh: “Darnell: be honest. Did I fail again?”
Darnell: “California law states that I am not allowed to divulge –”
Josh: {brazenly} “Did I or not?”
Darnell: {as gently as possible} “You did.”
Josh covers his face, laughing sadly, then walks out of the car with the ignition still running.
Darnell: “Josh! Get back in the vehicle!”
Josh walks to the other side of the street, throwing himself onto a patch of grass.
Darnell: “Josh! JOSH!!!” {to himself} “Jesus.”
Darnell turns the car off and walks over.
Darnell: “C’mon, it’s not that bad. Let’s just get back in the car –”
Josh: “You know why my girlfriend dumped me?”
Darnell: “Ashley?”
Josh: “No. Remember that chick from Spanish Club?”
Darnell: “Candice.”
Josh: “Yeah. You know why?”
Darnell: “Anxiety?”
Josh: “I’m almost nineteen, Darnell. What if I can’t pass this? I’ll have to take the bus with schizos and spinsters and guys wearing plastic trash bags for clothing.”
Darnell: “Not everyone who uses public transportation is –”
Josh: “A failure: that’s what I am. And a disappointment to everybody.”
Darnell: “You’re not a disappointment to me. Now just –”
Josh: “Sure I am. I’m gonna have to take this test with you again, man.” {realizing} “And the permit test AGAIN. Agh. I barely passed it the last time.”
Darnell: “You can pass it again.”
Josh: “I don’t want to have to take it again!”
Darnell: “Josh, you can get through this. It’s just a bump in the road.”
Josh looks at him — “Bump in the road?” Seriously?
Darnell: “You just…need to believe in yourself.”
Josh: “Believe in myself? What are you, a Saturday morning cartoon?” {then} “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell at you. I’m just frustrated.”
Darnell: “Self-esteem comes from doing. If you get back in the car –”
Josh: “You know what’s sad? I always wanted to drive an ice cream truck.”
Darnell: “Why?”
Josh plays with the grass, ripping some out of the ground.
Josh: “Everyone’s happy to see the ice cream man. I don’t know.”
Darnell finally sits.
Darnell: “Josh, I’ve known you for two years now, and I’m telling you: you’re never gonna pass this test if you keep thinking you won’t.”
Josh stares at the ground. Darnell sighs. Then –
Darnell: “You didn’t fail the test.”
Josh: {sitting up} “What?”
Darnell: “I lied. You still have two points left.”
Josh: “Then I’ve failed.”
Darnell: “Yeah.”
Josh: {wiping his tears} “But I haven’t failed yet?”
Darnell: “Correct.”
Josh: “But you told me I did?”
Darnell: “I thought it would help you finish. Take the pressure off or something.” {OFF Josh’s look} “I don’t know. It made sense at the time.”
Josh: “Two points left, huh?”
Darnell extends his arm, dangling the car keys.
Darnell: “Two points.”
Josh grabs them, stands up, and walks to the car.
They get in. Josh starts the engine.
Darnell: “Take a right at the stop sign.”
Josh follows directions.
Darnell: “…and pull into the DMV.”
Josh: “Oh. I didn’t realize how close we were.”
As Josh pulls in, he almost crashes into another car. Darnell looks down and coughs, pretending not to see it.
INT. DMV – SAME
Susan sees the car on its way back, and begins praying.
INT. JOSH’S CAR – SAME
Josh puts the car in park. Turns off the ignition.
Darnell: “Do you know why I took this job?”
Josh: “Because middle school student photographer was taken?”
Darnell: “Yes. And because I like seeing people realize their potential.”
Josh: “Okay, don’t do this sentimental stuff on me. Did I pass or not?”
Darnell: “Let me tally up your score.”
Darnell looks down at his clipboard. Slowly, he counts –
Darnell: “One, two, thr –”
Josh: “Darnell.”
Darnell: {grinning} “You passed.”
Josh lets out a sigh of relief.
Josh: “Did I deserve to pass?”
Darnell: “I mean, the test is biased. Probably.”
Josh: {smiling} “You know, Darnell, in a very strange way, I’m gonna miss you.”
Darnell: “You can always come visit.”
Josh: “Visit the DMV?”
Darnell: “I know. I realized as I said it.”
Josh exits the car and walks away. Darnell yells back –
Darnell: “By the way, if you want to drive an ice cream truck, you have to pass additional tests.”
Josh: “Oh, I don’t really want to do that. I was just trying to guilt you into a pity pass.”
Darnell: “Fair enough.”
INT. DMV – CONTINUOUS
Susan looks at Josh as he walks in. He smiles and puts up his arms in triumph.
Susan: “Oh, thank God.”
Josh and Susan embrace. Susan starts to tear up.
PAN TO a GIRL (about 17) who sits, watching. Her FATHER (50s) pats her knee.
Girl: {re: Josh} “Asshole.”
FADE TO BLACK.
Drawing courtesy of Victor Sonora.
